Download PDF The True Stories of Everyones Favorite Holidays: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas

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I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. Skip links Skip to content Skip to footer. Do you live in the Nicest Place in America? Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life. Our Hardest Riddles Ever. If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? Scholar ships. What did sick people do on the Mayflower?

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They went to the dock! Q: When do you serve tofu turkey? A: Pranksgiving.


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Hilariously Literal Anti-Jokes. Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted? A: Boy!

A: Because they never learned good table manners! A: A Turkey. Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? Q: What do you call a running turkey? A: Fast food. A: Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat. A: The turkey trot. Q: What did the turkey say to the computer? A: Google, google, google!

Christmas and holiday season

Q: What do you call the age of a pilgrim? A: Pilgrimage. A: Pil-grimace. Q: What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? A: Pilgrammar. Q: What was the turkey looking for at ToysRus? Q: What was the turkey suspected of? A: Fowl play.


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  5. A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream! A: Wing! Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner? A: Your nose. Q: What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? Q: How do Rednecks celebrate Thanksgiving? Q: What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common? A: One has gobblers, the other goblins.

    Q: What do you call a holiday dinner without the parents? A: Friendsgiving. Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? A: Pumpkin pi. A: Squash. Knock Knock.

    51 Best Halloween Quotes - Spooky Halloween Quotes and Sayings

    Who There? Thanksgiving for what? Thanks giving us this turkey. Read More.

    Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an ghost? A: A poultrygeist! Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?

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    A: They suspected fowl play. Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice? A: A turkey! Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? Q: What kind of weather does a turkey like? A: Fowl weather! Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? While Thanksgiving became a yearly tradition in many communities—celebrated on different months and days that suited them—it was not yet a federal government holiday. Thomas Jefferson and many subsequent presidents felt that a public religious demonstration of piety was not appropriate for a government type of holiday in a country based in part on the separation of church and state.

    In , President Lincoln made a proclamation marking Thursday, November 26, , as Thanksgiving. In this case, Lincoln was expressing gratitude to God and thanks to the Army for emerging successfully from the Battle of Gettysburg. In , President Franklin D. Thanksgiving Day in Canada is celebrated on the second Monday in October and has different origins than the American version of the holiday. Today, Canadians often visit with family and friends to celebrate.

    The Thanksgiving food traditions tend to be pretty similar to their American neighbors: turkey, stuffing, potatoes, and cranberry sauce are traditional. Add some maple syrup for a uniquely Canadian twist!

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    See some Maple Syrup recipes. Read more about the differences between Canadian and American Thanksgiving. Turkey has become the traditional Thanksgiving fare, but did you know that it was at one time a rare treat? Even though turkeys are much more affordable today, they still remain a celebratory symbol of bounty. Read more about Indian summers.